I know of some reasons why alcoholics blame people for their problems. When I was in the depths of my addiction, I blamed everything bad on others. When I went through a divorce, it was thanks to her that our life together ended. When I didn’t have enough business at my restaurant, it was someone else’s fault. Even when I carelessly squandered a large amount of my inheritance, I blamed it on my second wife.
It wasn’t until I got sober and stayed sober for several years that I really began to realize how much guilt I had projected onto those closest to me. Finally, at the age of thirty-seven, I began to grow up and take responsibility for my own life.
I will never forget how I complained to my lawyer that the judicial system was not fair when she told me the amount of ungodly money that I would have to pay for the support of three children. How could they be so cruel to make me pay that amount? How was she supposed to live with so little left over? For several years I blamed the court system for all my financial problems, along with my ex-wife. If they hadn’t been unrealistic about setting child support laws so high, I would have money.
It was in support group meetings designed for friends and family of addicts that I discovered why alcoholics blame others. They can’t stand themselves most of the time. They love to play the role of being the victim.
However, the bottom line is that blaming alcoholics is one of many personality attributes they have. This is something that will not change until they are sober and start participating in alcohol support group meetings.
Here’s the fun part though, they don’t even realize they’re doing it most of the time. Even when we point it out to them, they deny their behavior. I never realized that I was pointing fingers at everyone else to avoid looking at my own failures in life while drinking. If someone told me to stop blaming them for something, I was just trying to convince them that it was all their fault.
I remember when my sister stood in front of me once and said; “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BLAME ME FOR YOUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS.” The sad part about what happened that day is that she shut me out of her life and threw up a shield of anger.
Here’s a little advice to help you cope
It’s not really important to get the answer to the question “why do alcoholics blame others?” The important thing is to work on accepting that this is one of his character flaws. Now unacceptable behavior must not be tolerated. If a problem drinker gets out of control and starts blaming you, set limits. Just make sure you put them in a loving way, not like my sister did in anger.
You will need to receive training on how to set limits in a loving way. There are certain things you can say and do to protect your emotional well-being from the effects of alcoholism.
There is really no way to make them stop blaming yourself or others. However, what you can do is love them just the way they are.
Here is a helpful tip. If what the alcoholic is telling you or about you is not true, don’t let it bother you. Just keep your head up because you know what the truth of the situation really is.