The top tier of the wedding cake has been safely stored in the freezer, awaiting the one-year anniversary celebration ritual. The wedding dress has been carefully preserved and stored. Duplicate gifts have been exchanged and thank you notes have been written. You wake up next to the person you promised to love “until death do you part” and wonder, now what?
As children, we develop vivid dreams of our perfect wedding day and read over and over again the story of the princess and prince who “live happily ever after.” As adults, we realize that “forever” is a long time and wonder if it can only happen in a fairy tale.
Your mother talks about your “duty as a wife” and keeping the house clean. Your father talks about supporting your family. Your married friends tell you all the horrible things that are wrong with their marriage and your single friends just smile.
Good news: there is hope!
An important key to developing a strong marriage is recognizing, developing, and building on the strengths that already exist in the relationship. A marriage is not stagnant: it is a vital, growing, living thing that requires attention and has great potential for growth.
We believe that the quality of our relationship and our marital satisfaction is in our own hands. Early in our relationship, after the honeymoon, we made a commitment to educate ourselves in ways that would empower us to develop a strong and healthy marriage.
We attended a couples retreat in our first year of marriage. We learned communication skills, creative conflict management, and the importance of spending time every day sharing our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears with others. That event gave us important skills that we continue to use in our relationship after 33 years of marriage.
We also joined a small group of ongoing couples, all of whom were committed to developing a strong, healthy, and fulfilling marriage. As couples, we learned to trust each other and openly share our struggles. What a relief to know that we were not alone!
Here are 10 answers to the question “Now what?”:
- attend a marriage enrichment retreat
- learn communication skills
- learn conflict resolution skills
- spend 15 minutes every day sharing with each other
- join an ongoing small group for couples
- schedule a weekly date night – write it on the calendar in ink!
- schedule a monthly getaway for a day or weekend – keep the adventure and fun alive!
- reading books together on relationship topics
- spend time with an older couple whose relationship you admire
- accept your partner for who they are, don’t waste time trying to change them
Now that the wedding is over, it’s time to focus on the relationship, answering the ‘what now?’ ask, and learn to live happily ever after!
Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep growing.