Stress is the silent predator of our modern society. It catches us all off guard until one day, we break down and the doctor says, “Take a vacation, heartbreak, you’re carrying too much stress.” A friend of mine thought he was having a heart attack, he had all the symptoms, but it turned out that he was very stressed and didn’t know it… Scary huh?

Unfortunately, adults aren’t the only ones prone to carrying too much stress. Our children carry more stress than we realize, their young lives are full of stress-inducing situations.

How stress builds up

Stress is our body’s response to adrenaline and cortisone in our bloodstream. These two neurotransmitters are released when we perceive ourselves in dangerous or threatening situations. Sometimes these situations are life threatening, like when there is a wildfire near our house or we are in a car accident.

Other times (and more commonly) the situations are what we would call stressful because we need to perform at a high level under public scrutiny. For example, the athlete in a track meet, the public speech he has to give at the next team meeting, meeting his/her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, going on a blind date…

Stress is a useful thing in small doses. It builds, we act in a heightened state of consciousness, it leaves and we feel exhausted but pleased with our performance. Problems start to arise when we don’t fully discharge stress. When we go from a stressful situation to a stressful situation and we don’t have the explosive charge of energy that releases the pent up feelings created by the release of adrenaline and cortisone into the bloodstream.

We become irritable, nervous, restless. Not massively, but enough to not be completely comfortable. It’s a vague feeling of “something’s not right,” and most of us have crutches that we use to mask it. Things like coffee (in large quantities), TV (shows we MUST watch…), computer games (I need to play for 3-4 hours to relax), sex, alcohol, cigarettes, food… All of these and further. The crutches we reach for when feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or under the weather…

The crutch masks the feeling for a short time, but it doesn’t really do anything to release it. When our crutch wears out, we feel almost the same as before and that’s why we look for it again…

Over time, as stress increases (work, things we watch on TV, things we hear on the radio or talk about on our coffee breaks, our living situation at home, relationships with spouse, children, bosses, family and friends) and we don’t let go of that stress, it becomes an ingrained habit. It affects our body posture, the way we hold ourselves; even when we are “relaxed”. Muscles tense and hold tense in anticipation of sustained effort; except we don’t go ahead with the action.

Think about it for a moment. When he is stressed, do he tense his shoulder muscles? Jaw clench? Tighten your lower back or gluteal muscles?

For most people, that’s all they do. Tense your muscles and continue. The muscles are locked in contracted positions and the pain we feel at first is ignored. Over time we become insensitive to rigidity and tension. Until eventually, we have a major catastrophe.

Where do we store stress?

As mentioned above, stress is mainly stored in our muscles. In particular, the lower back, the middle back and the shoulders. How many people do you know who complain of back pain? Or stiff neck? If you’re like me, you know a lot.

How does this affect us?

Have you ever noticed people who walk hunched over? Their shoulders are slumped and their chin is tucked in… Do these people seem vibrant and open to learning? Not precisely. More often we would say that they were depressed, had the weight of the world on their shoulders, seemed sad, etc.

Stress does that to a person. The more stress we carry and become desensitized, the more our body shows it. In the case of lower back pain, we behave rigid; we no longer have a full swing door. The hips are locked and our natural rhythm is restricted. We look tense!

So how does this relate to our children?

Have you ever noticed that your child comes home from school with a body posture similar to the one described above? Their little shoulders are hunched, their head is tucked in, and their back almost seems to stick out… They shuffle in and head for the fridge, TV, or computer game… Ask them how their day was and you get a single word response as they fade from view. Chances are your little one is enduring a great deal of stress that he doesn’t know how to deal with.

Or, your child comes home “in a bad mood,” comments from you or your siblings result in a defensive, grumpy, and angry response. They are like little teapots, always on the verge of “bursting.” You carefully walk around them, not sure what will set them off.

So where does all this stress come from?

Stress in the learning environment and its impact on learning…

Our children’s stress often starts from the moment they wake up (and, according to some experts, even while they sleep). In most families, the television is one of the first electrical appliances to be turned on in the morning, so parents can “catch up on the news”…

However, the images found on most morning shows are violent, depressing, terrifying, and horrifying. They instantly increase the body’s production of cortisone and adrenaline. because the human mind cannot differentiate between what is happening to them and what is happening to me when we are watching it on a television screen!

Most television producers know this. They know that the shows that increase our production of cortisone and adrenaline are the ones we become addicted to. They provide us with our “fix”: the dose of increased awareness. That’s why shows need to get more violent, more dramatic, and scarier to keep their audiences riveted and ratings high.

So the stress starts before the day has really started… Then there’s the food you eat for breakfast. Most children have a rushed meal of some “nutrient-enriched” cereal. Not only are the ingredients used to create these so-called healthy breakfasts suspect, but most children have a hard time digesting wheat and dairy.

This type of stress is called environmental stress: stress created by external stimuli in the environment.

Then our already stressed boy arrives at the schoolyard. Most children with learning difficulties live in fear of being teased by others. The fear increases when they approach the school gate; stress mounts as they imagine what might happen that day at school…

Class starts and our stressed student starts to struggle. His learning profile kicks in, and depending on which senses are limited, his day continues to deteriorate. The teacher, his classmates, and themselves feel frustrated and stressed.

Lunch time arrives. The natural reaction to stress is to move: explosively, forcefully, and with no regard for the well-being of others. Uh oh, here comes the teacher on the playground! Run, duck, hide, don’t get caught. Stress levels rise again.

Or even worse. Detention at lunch time. There is no way out to release the stress that has been building up all morning. Forced to sit still with a teacher who has an expectation that you will be “mean” or “naughty”; after all, you wouldn’t. be in detention if you were one of the “good” students.

The afternoon session begins. Yes, they are fun activities like sports, art or music. Except no one wants to pick you for their team, sit next to you, or share their art supplies because you’re bouncing off the walls with excess energy, energy caused by the adrenaline and cortisone in your body. So it adds to the stress when you realize that nobody likes you and the teacher is getting really frustrated with you and this afternoon’s behavior is likely to result in a detention or some kind of punishment tomorrow…

So it’s home we’re going to. For some children there is a round of sports and extracurricular activities that aim to improve our chances of success in life. For others, it is the home of children’s television shows and afternoon cartoons (which are full of violence, danger, excitement, and drama) or computer games that again rely on violence, competition, or drama of some kind. It is usually accompanied by soft drinks, prepared foods such as chips, candies, chocolate, etc.

At some point, parents bring up the topic of homework, which reminds our stressed-out child of all the negative and stressful things that happened during the day. At this point, homework becomes a battlefield, and parents often walk away in defeat or force the issue, creating more stress and a feeling of ill will between parent and child…