Do you love an alcoholic? How can you live with an alcoholic and love him at the same time? Very carefully. True, it is very difficult to live with an alcoholic, but people do it all the time. Alcohol controls a person’s mind and spirit, so as long as the alcoholic drinks, he will not receive much love in return. Being married to an alcoholic is not grounds for divorce. It is a reason to help your loved one with the disease. Alcohol addiction is called an insidious disease for a reason. It destroys homes, kills lives, and prevents them from discovering the Creator. Can it be more insidious than that?
A person who drinks excessively is called an alcoholic, but this is not the case. A person who drives a truck is called a trucker, but that is not what he is. I believe that alcohol addiction is a phase or transition in a person’s life, which means it can be temporary. But many alcoholics become sober only to start drinking again, shortly after, why? It is because they think they are in control of their addiction, but they are not. If a person really wants to be sober and stay sober, they will.
The person behind the destruction and deception of alcohol is a totally different person when he’s been sober for six months. A sober alcoholic can be a very loving and spiritual human being, capable of discerning right from wrong and capable of living a happy and abundant life. As long as the alcoholic continues to drink, his true character will remain hidden from others and he will be under the control of drinking in all aspects of his life.
What can you do for the alcoholic in your life? The first step in helping them is to first help yourself. Learn about the disease. Once you realize the impact of how your actions may be affecting the alcoholic in your life, you can properly detach yourself from his destructive behavior. Detachment can be difficult to achieve, but if you love the alcoholic and want to support them, detachment with love is the way to go.
Are you allowing your loved one to drink? Are you rescuing them from their problems and responsibilities? Ask yourself these questions to find out.
Am I doing something that allows the alcoholic to drink?
Am I doing something to facilitate the alcoholic’s behavior?
Am I doing anything that can rescue the alcoholic from his problems?
Am I getting into the disease with the alcoholic?
The only way to be truly supportive is not to rescue, not empower, and not allow yourself to be carried away by illness with them. These are some of the ways it empowers the alcoholic.
You empower when you take over from the alcoholic by doing your chores, duties, and responsibilities. You enable it when you give money to the alcoholic or buy alcohol from him.
You enable it when you drink with them, or when you do something to help the alcoholic continue to live their alcoholic lifestyle and not realize that they have a drinking problem. If you do everything for him, how will he know?
These are some of the ways he would rescue the alcoholic. You rescue when you sweep the masses of alcoholics from under the rug. The alcoholic NEEDS to be responsible for his own disorder. You rescue when you lie for them. You rescue them when you get them out of jail or pay court fees for them.
Understand that the facilitator / rescuer, who is you, helps the alcoholic to continue drinking when, inadvertently, you get caught up in the illusion of illness with him. Remember, alcoholism is an insidious disease and it will catch you in its clutches if you let it. Don’t let this happen, or the alcoholic will have no hope of quitting.
How would you feel driven to suffer from the alcoholic’s disease? Trying to control the alcoholic and how and when he drinks. By threatening the alcoholic with angry words and insults, you are leading to alcoholism. Don’t worry, fight, argue, beg, or try to control the alcoholic, it won’t work!
When the alcoholic spouse tells you that they are sorry for all the bad things they did to or against the marriage, they will probably be very sorry, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen again. An alcoholic cannot control his actions once he begins to drink. Drinking is what makes them out of control and enslaved by disease.
There is great hope for the alcoholic in your life, if you take care of yourself first, by not allowing, rescuing, or letting illness take you away. Once you know the dos and don’ts, you can set limits at home. An alcoholic will not respect any limits, so it would be useless to try. You are setting limits for your own spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being, not that of the alcoholic. See part 2 of this article to set limits.