It seems that we treat fathers, both our own and our children’s father, differently on their Special Day than we do mothers on Mother’s Day. Maybe it’s because we’re wired differently. (I mean, seriously, when was the last time the man in your life ordered flowers, chocolate, and dinner out? And do men eat chocolate?) But breakfast in bed, whether it’s just piping hot coffee served with The New York Times, equals that cake and whipped cream-covered strawberries we ordered on our mom tray. I have found that men deeply appreciate any simple gesture of love made on their behalf. The little morning romp my kids did with their dad today (with coffee, handmade cards, poems, and wrapped gifts) did more to get it going than anything else we could have done. He would say, “We didn’t forget you this year, dad.” (Honestly, we forgot about it a couple of years ago…)
Father’s Day originates from Mother’s Day. When a thoughtful Sonora Louise Smart Dodd heard a Mother’s Day sermon, she felt that fathers deserve just as much appreciation and attention, even for a day, as mothers. She approached her minister in Spokane, Washington in 1909, with the idea of a special Father’s Day sermon in memory of her own father, William Smart. Widowed during the birth of his sixth child, William was the single father of that newborn baby and the couple’s five eldest children. Now an adult herself, Dodd was very appreciative of the personal sacrifices her father made over those many years of raising their children, and she wanted to honor him in June, the month of her birth. Since her minister could not respond quickly enough to honor her exact birthday (June 5), she scheduled her father’s sermon of thanks for the 19th, or third Sunday in June.
And so, the first Father’s Day sermon was preached on June 19. Other historians claim that Dr. Robert Webb celebrated the first Father’s Day at Central Church in Fairmont, West Virginia in 1908; still others claim that the gold watch inscribed “Original of Father’s Day” belonging to Harry Meek gives him the right to the holiday. However, in 1916, President Woodrow Wilson officially endorsed the idea, in 1924 President Calvin Coolidge officially endorsed it, and in 1966, President Lyndon Johnson officially issued a presidential proclamation marking the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day. But it was not until 1972 that it was declared a national holiday. And oddly enough, it’s a uniquely American holiday; other countries celebrate it, but only in America do they place it on our national calendar.
The way we celebrate the day is as unique to each family as dads are to their own children. While Mother’s Day has its own set of expectations: flowers, chocolate, and gifts, Father’s Day offers more spontaneity. Like dad himself. Oh sure, there’s the proverbial necktie. Golden socks. But because parents have hobbies and sports interests that run from one end of the spectrum to the other, the day is celebrated with a plethora of activities. Golf? Fishing? Relax with a coffee and a good book?
My husband and I went into town today. The weather was as perfect as we have ever seen it: blue skies and 78 degrees with no humidity. We attended worship services downtown, followed by an al fresco lunch on a patio right on 7th Avenue. A long walk through Central Park was not only exciting; the perfect sky served as an umbrella for the hundreds of New Yorkers throwing frisbees, playing volleyball, making out with their honeys, and basking in the warmth of the sun on blankets spread out on the open expanse of grass.
I was acutely aware throughout the day of the unique role my husband plays in our family, as well as in shaping our children’s vision of fatherhood. He is our provider and our protector. However, he is so much more. He is a fellow nurse. He’s not necessarily the first one my kids would run to with scraped knees, but the one I’d run to when emergencies hit the house. He is the one who brought our three month old to the hospital for an initial biopsy (without anesthesia) when we learned she needed an emergency colostomy; the one who answered the phone call when a boy ran (one mile) away from his house and was discovered by our local police; the one who was by my side this week when I had a brief medical scare. He is our rock.
He bears the financial burden for our family, the direct result of decisions we made together nearly twenty years ago. And when the going gets tough, he gets going. Rising before the sun, traveling through the New York City suburban traffic, he fights for results, odds and margins all day, every day. With rarely a word of complaint or frustration.
Most parents have learned to deal with the harsh realities of everyday life. They have had to. My own seventeen-year-old son came downstairs a couple of weeks ago, walked into the kitchen, and said, “I’ve figured it out. You go to school, you get good grades so you can get into a good college, get a job.” Work like crazy and then you die.” Hardly the carefree perspective he would have preferred, but rather an assessment of part of the reality of being a man.
On Father’s Day, and every day, we need to be more aware of the generous efforts that the fathers in our lives make for us. We need to be aware of the personal time sacrifices they make on a daily basis. That they rarely have time for lunch with the boys, a game of tennis and sauna in the morning, or bridge in the afternoon. That they have liability issues that we may never fully appreciate. That they have superiors to honor, subordinates to lead, and colleagues to inspire. That they have results, quarterly quotas, profitability measures and shareholder responsibilities. Who fight traffic on an empty stomach. And take planes early in the morning with very little sleep.
The parents in our lives would surely travel to the ends of the earth for you and their children… if they knew they would be greeted by several sets of open arms on the other side of their front door.
Let’s hope that parents around the world understand the unique role they play in our lives, in the lives of their children, and in today’s culture in general. Let’s hope that on Father’s Day, fathers everywhere felt special. Let them know, deep down, that their efforts on our behalf are fully recognized, truly appreciated, and deeply appreciated.