Communication, which takes up approximately 70% of our waking hours, is what many leaders find most frustrating. The fact is, most of us have never been taught how to communicate in a way that produces the desired results, so we continue to experience frustration, resistance, conflict, or breakups. Think about a recent important conversation. How many of these questions can you answer YES to?

  1. Did I take full responsibility for the message the other person heard? (Remember, it doesn’t matter what you say, it only matters what the other person hears.)
  2. Did I respect the other person’s point of view? (Did I have a reaction to what they were saying that prevented me from hearing the full message from her?)
  3. Did the other person feel heard and understood? (Did I recognize them?)
  4. If I was asking someone to take a specific action, did I clearly state my request?
  5. Were you speaking in a way that the other person can understand? (Speaking in her communication style).
  6. Was I communicating openly, without bias, expectation, and judgment? (Was he focused on having to be right or on hearing her point of view?)
  7. Did the other person leave the conversation feeling good, with some value?
  8. Did I leave the conversation feeling good, with some value?
  9. Did I follow up to see if the conversation was successful? Did it lead to the desired results?
  10. If the outcome of the conversation did not meet my expectations, did I learn what I could improve to better communicate with that particular person?

So how did you score?

8-10 do indicate that they are the best. Keep up the good work.

4-7 Yes that’s fine. Brush in certain areas.

0-3 means you have work to do.

Here are four ways to be a better communicator and leader:

Talk less and listen more.

We want to be heard and listened to but we don’t always focus on listening to others. We focus more on our agenda than on the other person’s thoughts, worries, or problems.

Don’t assume that others are mind readers.

We want some kind of action or response from another person. However, we don’t let them know what we really want or how to achieve it. Before assuming that the other knows what you want, first inform and then ask for feedback. Time yourself in advance to get better mileage later.

Do not shoot the messenger.

We want to understand, but our ability to understand is tainted by our perceptions of the person speaking or the result we seek to achieve. Therefore, we often judge the speaker and ignore the message. Focus on the message, not the messenger.

Join forces.

We want acceptance and agreement from others so much so that we often get consumed with having to be right or prove our point. We push and push our agenda. Rather, stop, look, and listen for areas of mutual agreement. Then work from there to co-create a greater result together.

The next time you are engaged in an important conversation, stop your mental and verbal recorder for a moment. Then start really listening. It’s amazing what you’ll discover. Perhaps information that can lead to your leadership and business success.