Email was just the beginning of a long line of applications that allowed people to be less responsible in their interactions with others. All of us have experienced backlash from emails that we should have reread before sending or not sent at all… EVER. Social networking tools like Twitter, Facebook, and a dozen other blogging and collaboration tools now allow us to make the same mistakes in hundreds of new ways…and with images.
I think we have entered a new era of “Socialites”. Not the Paris Hilton type, but more of the high society of the 1920s. The term is rumored to have been coined around 1928 by the writers and editors of Time magazine, as a contraction of “social light.” The inference was that people would show up at social events and “glow”, either naturally or artificially. Some considered themselves to be of “true society blood.” They were members of high society (by pedigree). and then they were “record-ites” (those who didn’t have the “proper” background to get in, but rich girls who lived legendary, sometimes fast lives).
There’s a lot of that going on in the social media world these days, and I thought I’d point out some of my observations. Perhaps by identifying your social media behavior you can help the rest of us use the medium more effectively:
Do you appear on LinkedIn forums just to be seen? Do you go from forum to forum, or group to group, just to make sure people read your comments or look at your profile? I’m not talking about networking or letting people know what you do for a living. I mean people who reply to posts just to show off. Like the socialites of the 1920s, some people add value and some people just make noise.
Are you dropping the eaves? Are you responding to a need or are you on the eve of “the party” falling and waiting for the opportunity to pounce on the unsuspecting partygoers? Unfortunately, only closed forums keep out unwanted ears, and we’d lose valuable information from people genuinely interested in helping if we’re too selective with membership. Excluding people defeats the purpose of open groups. But just like in real social settings, people need to verify their motives before jumping into an ongoing conversation. Again, it’s great to find a medium to present your product or service, but if it doesn’t add value, then keep your feedback to yourself. And before you comment, please read the previous comments of others.
Are you making a scene? Just because the interaction is virtual doesn’t mean you can’t “make a scene.” The main difference is that when you make a fool of yourself, everyone can send each other private messages about what an idiot you are. Watch what you say and how you act. One day, someone will meet you in a “real” setting, recognize your profile picture or name, and immediately (and fairly) assume that you’re a jerk in real life, too.
Are you harassing me? Many systems like LinkedIn have presentation settings that allow the user to decide whether or not to accept direct presentations. Personally I like to meet people and I accept invitations from strangers. But lately I’ve been getting invites from people who just want to access my network. Or that he uses his access to me online to pressure me for a sale. Some, even more persistent, invite me to be friends on Facebook. This is the message I’m sure many people are trying to convey to you: “Unfollow me. He’s scaring me.”
Do you hog the conversation? You know what I’m talking about: you post a question and a person has to go on and on about what the “One” is like, like Neo in the Matrix. Sure, they claim to offer an unbiased solution, but after six posts about themselves and six more messages on my email, it becomes overwhelming. It also causes other potential contributors to tire of the sales pitch and leave the group. To be fair, vendors can add incredible value to a discussion. So don’t automatically assume that a person is trying to sell you something. Extend professional courtesy to people and they will express their needs to you when appropriate.
Are you an uninvited guest? When I see a group called “South Florida Food Service Professionals”, I don’t ask the moderator to accept me as a member. Because? Because I am not a food service professional in South Florida. That is, unless you can add value. Hidden agendas and misrepresentation are just as unprofessional in a social media environment as they are at a professional meeting or event.
Before I go, let me add a few comments about my favorite and equally hated social network… Facebook. Unlike some business sites, Facebook was designed specifically for people to share personal stories, photos, and messages with each other. Unfortunately, some people forget that they are interacting with real people. I’m sure there will soon be hundreds of studies done on the behavior and conduct of humans on Facebook and MySpace, but until then here are a few that drive me crazy:
Too much evidence of his activity and whereabouts – People realize too late that they are giving away too much information about their lives on Facebook. If you don’t believe you are, then you are in denial. My wife recently made a series of innocent posts about me leaving town on a business trip. she horrified me. On another occasion, some friends asked me about my availability, referencing Facebook posts and my posting patterns (time of day, time online, etc.). Some people will call me as soon as they see me post a comment on my wall. And when it comes to mixing business and pleasure, there’s a growing trend among corporate recruiters to visit a candidate’s Facebook site before recommending them for a position.
Will you be my friend… Mark “Y” for Yes… – Rejecting friend requests is not a sin. I do it often. Not because I don’t want you to “be” my friend, but probably because you already are and you understand that I can’t realistically manage the volume of information being sent through Facebook every day. We all use Facebook for different reasons. I started using it as a way for my family and friends in Arizona to keep up with us. Over time, it became a substitute for contacting them in person, so I adjusted my usage. Facebook doesn’t have “acquaintance” requests, so I feel comfortable accepting requests from those with whom I have a close relationship or those who I want to get to know better. In any case, if you send a friend request, be willing to accept people for who they are. Inviting colleagues and coworkers opens up a whole world of problems that you might not want.
Hiding in plain sight of the plane – I often hesitate to activate the “chat” option for various reasons. The most honest reason is that I try to stay online as little as possible and I don’t want to get involved in a conversation without enough time for it to make sense. But it is also true that I am given to the paranoia that someone sees me on the internet and wants to talk. The general rule is (as in any other social situation), be elegant and always have good manners. Said. Let people know you can’t talk. But never lie, because as I mentioned above, people can easily track your whereabouts and availability. If you tell someone you can’t talk and spend the next two hours posting, what message does that send?
The parade of the victims – As a father and grandfather I know that everyone needs a listening ear. We all need each other in times of crisis, and with this economy many of us are experiencing extreme hardship. But no one wants your drama all over their wall. People’s discomfort with other people who choose to act like victims, who see everything as a negative, or try to blame others into feeling sorry for them is as real on Facebook as it is in life. So, to quote the famous Bob Newhart skit: “STOP IT!”
Read between lines – For every person who uses Facebook to get attention, there are those who really need it and don’t get it. Facebook is a powerful tool to unite people under a common cause. I recently discovered hidden needs and hurts simply by paying attention. I was then able to quickly recruit others and help those in need using Facebook as a vehicle for communication and solicitation.
Refresh Anxiety – How many times per minute do you refresh Facebook to see if your friends responded to your post? The answer will reveal a new type of anxiety that I can only coin “update anxiety.” It’s the kind of behavior that is slowly killing off our productivity and keeping us from leading a focused life. People forget that the only communication vehicle that offers a guaranteed immediate response is the act of physically approaching someone. We already have unrealistic expectations about using email to get immediate responses from others. Don’t make the same mistake with social media.
I’d love to hear your opinion. Feel free to post your comments; just don’t post them on my Facebook wall.