People ruin their chances for true love by wanting too much too soon. It’s wise to let love develop naturally instead of trying to force it on your own schedule. Likewise, if you’re not getting measurable results in a reasonable amount of time, you should start looking for alternatives to the love situation you’re in.

The following ideas are designed to help any woman who wants to control the pace and direction of a dating relationship in the early stages:

HELP HIM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

As a general rule, arrange it so that the man makes the first move. You can give him suggestions and encouragement to make it easier for him, but he is the one who has to pass the double test of desire and courage. If he doesn’t have much of either, then this isn’t a guy worth your efforts.

MAKE IT COMFORTABLE FIRST

Men don’t like to appear stupid and will do almost anything to avoid being too far out of their comfort zone. This means that a woman should reduce the pressure of dating to a point where it is casual enough for him to be comfortable. However, don’t make the event seem so trivial that she takes it lightly.

IS HE A DECENT GUY?

All good dating prospects are quality human beings. So the first thing you have to determine is whether the guy you are interested in is a decent person or not. Associating in any extended way with a sick individual is a sure formula for disaster.

IS IT A GOOD LOVE CANDIDATE?

While all good love candidates are good guys, not all good ones are good love candidates for you. You have to be a good match for him and he has to be a good match for you too. Aside from feeling like you’re the right woman and he’s the right man, you also want to make sure there aren’t any major divisive issues (race, religion, ethnicity, family, finances, distance, schedules, etc.) that might cause you to the long-term situation is too difficult to overcome.

REMEMBER, HE IS BEWARE OF SPECTACULAR WEAKNESSES

Initially, it’s natural for people of both genders to wonder, “If this person is so nice, why is she still single?” Expect men to be sensitive at first about what could be wrong with a new woman they’re dating. An intelligent woman is fully aware of both minimizing the perception of what can be interpreted as a weakness and immediately shifting the focus to her strengths. Redirecting her focus will help get the relationship off the ground.

ARE YOU GETTING MORE IN YOU?

While it’s natural to gauge if you’re becoming more interested in the man you’re dating, it’s equally important to notice if he’s becoming more interested in you. Men will normally assess their love for a woman largely by the intensity of their desire. If you’re not feeling the heat of the chase, you’re probably not connecting as well as you might hope or think. If he is not that into you then you have no chance of making this work and you should move on no matter how much you like him. Many people don’t understand that chemistry is something that doesn’t change much over time.

CAN THIS WORK WITHOUT HIM CHANGING?

Sometimes a man will stop pursuing an attractive woman because he feels that he would have to make major changes to make her happy. Unsuspecting women often overlook this possibility because the man is likely to give favorable comments about the exterior. On the inside, though, he’s thinking there’s something — completely different lifestyles, values, goals, or personalities — that won’t mesh well over time. Unless the man’s desire is extremely high or his chances are low, he may just pass up a woman who has too many differences. Not moving on isn’t because she doesn’t like him, it’s because he doesn’t want to go through the effort, frustration, and hassle of trying to change each other to make the relationship work for the long haul.

IS LEAVING A GOOD OPTION?

Your peer group will often determine what is okay and what isn’t in the case of dating. For some younger people, hanging out with friends is a low-pressure semi-date experience that determines how well they mingle in public. Generally speaking, from a woman’s perspective, this is not a real date and should be done sparingly and only for a short period of time. This isn’t a good substitute for showing a man’s sincere interest in you and is primarily designed as a way to get more comfortable first or a cheap way to see if there’s chemistry.

REAL DATING MEANS REAL RISK

When a guy means well with a woman, he will be willing to spend time and money to create an enjoyable dating experience. So if you don’t see this in the first couple of one-on-one encounters, then you’re probably dealing with a guy who isn’t interested in being in a serious relationship with you of any kind. Carefully consider his actions at this stage before proceeding, otherwise you may end up in a “friends with benefits” deal. In that type of relationship, the partners do not invest much of themselves emotionally and therefore do not receive the joy that naturally comes from a healthy love relationship. By going on real dates, you’ll quickly identify men who aren’t serious about you and therefore won’t mind making a big impression on you.

REMEMBER THAT SEX CHANGES EVERYTHING

The basic rule of thumb at this point is that having sex too soon hurts your chances of true love. On a more practical level, smart women should at least avoid having sex with a guy they’re interested in on first dates. Otherwise, you will have to overcome the discomfort of being too physically intimate without the corresponding emotions. Having sex is so much more pleasurable for both partners when a gradual emotional buildup makes the physical moment feel special and right. A more mature man with sincere interest and respect for a woman will gladly expect this special moment to happen naturally.

By increasing your knowledge of each step in the dating process, you will be able to anticipate how to respond wisely to the good and bad opportunities that come your way.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Dating sucks when you have no control over the pace or direction of your love life. But dating is great when you have a firm grip on what’s going on at every stage of your relationship. That way, you can invest your energy and emotions in men who are good prospects for lasting love.