Sit back, kick back and spend some time building your Kizuna
I remember going to a nearby western bar in Aiea with my high school friend and sharing some alcohol “shots” where you pour a mix of strong and sweet into a small “shot glass” and drink it all in one gulp.
Those were fun and crazy times and the little buzz from that alcohol made the line dancing, singing and general laughter all the more raucous, exciting and wild. There was a sense of release, letting our hair down and getting into the merry fun of the night. My age and better sense don’t allow me to have drinks now, but for what it was, it was an experience and bond with my friend that I will treasure forever, made on those adventurous nights.
Unlike the drinks we enjoy, using Japanese o-choko while sharing a bottle of sake is a completely different experience. Slow, careful and thoughtful, the cups are sipped during a long moment of quiet or discussion. Sharing sake between two people creates a deep bond in Japan and confirms the feeling of being on the same page and a good feeling of communication and bond called “Kizuna”.
You may have seen Prime Minister Abe pouring some O-sake into President Obama’s glass at Sushi Jiro during the US President’s official visit to Japan. There were serious issues to discuss and the US-Japan bond needed to be strengthened, reaffirmed and reinforced for the new regional challenges facing both nations.
In the same way that people can relax over dinner and have a deep discussion over wine, or perhaps over a cigar and brandy in a quiet study, o-sake is sipped between bites of food or bites. Whether between husband and wife after a long day at work, between old friends as they catch up and reminisce about the good old days, or between business partners developing new opportunities for corporate growth, the gesture of filling a cup of o -choko for sake, a slight bow of thanks and a thoughtful lowering of the glass to the table or counter, is one of the ways relationships are deepened in Japan.
Secrets may be shared, confessions made, proposals accepted, debts forgiven, and love given a voice. The quiet moment over this small glass of dry rice wine provides a unique moment for both of you. One of my friends, Kojiro Yamanaka (from Japanese Culture & Style) describes it like this:
“Connection of the heart and mind”.
In Japan, when SAKE is drunk, a small cup called a CHOKO is used. The purpose of using this small cup is to repeatedly dish out a cup of SAKE. Repeating this is said to deepen a connection of heart and mind or develop KIZUNA (a mutual bond). With this tiny CHOKO cup, the SAKE is finished in one sip. When drinking together, it is customary to keep the other person’s cup in mind and continue to refill each other’s CHOKO.
While this is repeated, it is said that a bond or KIZUNA is born between them. This way of drinking liquor is unique in showing that you care about the other person.”
A Sake set with the Sake bottle and o-choko cups (make sure you get two) will make a perfect take-home gift. I hope you will build a deeper kizuna with your partner while sharing the o-choko tradition and at the same time feel an appreciation for this interesting aspect of Japanese relationships.