One thing that I think bothers me more than anything else in the world is the fact that much of the population is very self-centered. We live in a very selfish society. Personally, I think this is partly due to our desire to do more, get ahead, and be better in life. This ambition is a good thing; it is what drives many to success. However, it is also the basis of a somewhat selfish society. We are always looking for Number One, as the saying goes.
This is not a personal spiel or a game of “I am holier than you”, but a realistic observation of a current life event. It is not about pointing fingers or insulting and saying that everyone is like that or that those who are, behave like that 100% of the time. Instead, I wanted to take these observations and point them out along with some tips on how you can avoid the stress and pain that this selfish behavior often causes in life.
I even see the same things when I look at myself from time to time. Often when I get angry with someone it is because of something they have done to me. Usually I don’t stop to think about why they did it or what might be happening in their lives. Instead, I focus solely on the fact that I have been hurt or wronged in some way and respond with anger, sadness, or frustration.
Remember some of the times in your life when you have felt angry or upset. Also think about times when you have been rude, mean, or indifferent to another person. How many of these situations can you relate to selfish thoughts and behaviors? Have you ever let your kids down because there was something else you wanted to do instead? Have you ever lied to your spouse because you were afraid he would get mad at you and only made things worse when the lie was discovered?
What happens when you are interrupted in traffic by the guy in the BMW on his cell phone who is late for an important meeting? Or when someone runs to get in line in front of you at the grocery store with your cart full of items when you only have a small basket? All around us, people make inconsiderate decisions with others, usually because they think only of themselves.
Think of two brothers who grew up together. It is a fact that all brothers fight at some point and some fight quite frequently. Now look at some of the situations in which children fight.
Do not share toys
Jealousy
For the attention of parents
Because someone feels “slighted” Most of the reasons siblings get angry and angry at each other boil down to selfish reasons. Someone thinks that mom loves the other more, someone does not want to share their new toy, someone thinks that the other receives more, etc. Many of us never get over this behavior and we see it in adults every day.
I can keep giving examples all day, but I think you get the idea. The point is how can you separate yourself from this? We just can’t go around trying to make people the way we want them to be, and if we try, we’ll only cause ourselves more stress and pain (and you may lose some friends along the way).
So what can you do? First, you must recognize that the only person in the whole world you have control over is yourself. Look at your own life and the ways you can change and be a better example in your world and in your daily life.
Then, if you are a parent, you must recognize that your children will imitate your behaviors. Teach them the correct ways by showing them and when you make mistakes, talk to them about it. Explain that no one is perfect and that they will have to accept and understand when people sometimes disappoint them, including their parents.
Third, it’s important to learn to respond to people you come across who treat you unfairly, rudely, or even those who hurt you physically or emotionally. You can’t control what people do to you, but you can control how you respond. You should never have to put up with abuse of any kind, but there are a few things we can take in stride, like the stranger at the market or the minivan on your bumper in night traffic, giving you a serious case of road rage.
You can CHOOSE not to respond in the same way that selfish people treat you. You can choose to ignore it or respond with kindness or, in some cases, you can even learn from it. We must also learn to be a little more compassionate towards others, even those we don’t know. If someone shows you an attitude for no apparent reason, it could surely make you angry or even hurt your feelings. You may feel the need to retaliate, but you may choose to take a different approach instead.
You can choose to break the cycle and separate yourself from this kind of bad attitude and behavior. Maybe that person is having a bad day, maybe they have an anger problem, or maybe they are just a hateful person, but you don’t have to let their bad attitude rub off on you. Take it easy, laugh, ignore or even pray for them if you are a religious person and then get on with your life without letting one person ruin your day!