Flirting is an experience for the whole body. It attracts the eyes, tickles the mind and awakens the senses.
While you may think that flirting is something we learn, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born knowing how to flirt. Flirting behaviors are exhibited by dozens of cultures and animals, from birds to fruit flies.
Research on human mating behaviors in bars and clubs has revealed that all successful flirtations go through a similar sequence of events. Nonverbal cues like arching your eyebrows, swaying your hips, and tossing your hair tell a man that you’re interested. Once one of you breaks the ice by speaking, the other person has the option to turn to you, acknowledge her presence, or walk away.
If it’s the former, and all goes well, your conversation will build deeper interest as you both lean forward and your gazes wander from her face to other parts of her body. The sense of touch is engaged when you touch his hand empathetically, or he puts an arm gently on your back to guide you through the crowd.
As the night progresses, their bodies will eventually “synchronize.” In other words, your body position and movements will mimic those of the other person. When he looks down, you will look down. When you raise your glass to take a sip, he will take his. At this point, you can congratulate yourself on a successful flirtation: both of you are clearly interested, and it’s time to exchange phone numbers.
What does this research mean for us? It’s great to know how flirting works, but how can we encourage it?
Today I’m going to give you three science-backed flirting techniques that are guaranteed to get you into that initial conversation with a man.
1. The best flirting technique of all time
First of all, what is the most successful technique that women can use to invite a man to come closer?
(a) Ask your help with something?
(b) Shake your hair while staring at it?
(c) Dance seductively alone?
(d) give him a big smile?
Do you have your answer?
The winner, without a doubt, is (d) Smile.
It’s amazing that something so simple can have such an amazing effect, but men all over the world will tell you the same thing. When men work up the courage to approach a woman, most will choose the average, friendly-looking girl over the beautiful, boring ice princess.
Accessibility matters. A smile shows a man that you’re friendly, that you’re willing to acknowledge him, and that he doesn’t have to fear rejection when he approaches you.
Also, a smile puts us in our best light. Studies have shown that women with open and friendly body language are perceived as more attractive than women with closed and negative body language. Quite simply, a smile is the cheapest beauty treatment you can apply.
2. See you?
Next, there is nothing more crucial to developing flirtation than eye contact. This is where shyness can be a big hindrance. If you’re too shy, embarrassed, or overwhelmed by butterflies to look him in the eye, he may think you’re rejecting him.
At the other end of the scale, a stare is equally disconcerting. In the animal kingdom, a stare is a threatening nonverbal behavior, and humans find it creepy. Someone who steals a glance at you is infinitely preferable to someone who blatantly stares at you without hiding her gaze.
Eye contact should be brief, a mere acknowledgment that you both see each other, and then end by looking down at each other. After all, lowering your lashes can be just as seductive as meeting her gaze in the first place, especially if it’s accompanied by a shy smile. Increase his seductive power by looking at him again within thirty seconds to a minute after your first glance.
3. He can’t flirt with you if he can’t get to you!
Lastly, make sure you are physically accessible to be approached! We often go out in groups and there is nothing more intimidating to a man than a woman surrounded by half a dozen of her best friends.
Very few men will feel comfortable challenging your friends’ stars while he’s trying to chat you up, so if you’re out with a group, give any secret admirers a chance to approach you when you’re alone. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or go buy a round of drinks. Keep your body language open and scan the room with your eyes. Some women even dance alone to allow a man to approach.
Likewise, don’t be in such a hurry to get to your destination that you’re gone before Mr. Right can raise his hand to signal you to come over. Take your time, enjoy the ride, and keep your eyes open and your head held high. A woman who walks calmly and looks around her is much more accessible than a woman who walks down the street, lost in her thoughts.
If you enjoyed these flirting tips, there is much more to learn! Discover my FREE “How to Be Irresistible to Men” newsletter series and 6-part mini-course, packed with great tips on how to do everything from getting more male attention to dating online. It’s all backed up by the latest research on how men and women meet and mate. Subscribe to this 100% FREE newsletter by visiting my website:
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