I don’t know the details of your situation. Perhaps her spouse is just frustrated in the marriage. Perhaps he or she has gone further and already asked for a divorce or breakup. Maybe she just made a mistake and wants to apologize to her husband and wife, start over or another chance. Whatever her circumstances, I firmly believe (from my personal experience and research) that there is a right way and a wrong way to approach this with her spouse. This article will discuss what I believe is the best way (with the highest probability of success) to convince your spouse to give your marriage another chance.
The wrong way to plead your case or apologize to your spouse: No matter what you’ve done, the first thing to remember is not to panic or act in a desperate way that drives your spouse away. It’s completely understandable that you don’t want this pain, misunderstanding, or marital damage to continue or go on any longer than necessary. It makes sense for you to think that the longer your spouse is angry or hurt, the longer it will take to repair, save, or get the marriage back on track.
However, it is important to remember that acting unsteady, desperate, or exaggerated (examples are teasing, hitting, and making excessive attempts to communicate with your spouse (calling, texting, pleading, etc.) is probably only going to make you look less attractive and out of control.
Instead, at every opportunity, present yourself as a genuinely loving spouse who respects both yourself and your spouse enough to communicate with him/her in a dignified and honest manner.
Tea Right way To ask your spouse to give your marriage another or better chance: Perhaps the problems in your marriage are genuinely your fault. Maybe they aren’t. I really can’t or don’t know the details or your situation. No matter what brought you here, I believe there’s a right way to get you out.
First, if you haven’t already, put yourself in your husband’s or wife’s shoes. How do you feel now? What do they really want to solve this situation? What can you do to accomplish this while maintaining your integrity and dignity?
(Hint: what most spouses really want is for them to identify with them, understand how they feel, and care deeply about those feelings.)
So if you’re going to apologize and ask for a second chance, do it in a very specific way. Address exactly why you’re sorry. Tell your husband or wife that you have thought a lot about the marriage and the situation and that you suspect they feel (she has to fill in the blanks here with her honest assessment of how her spouse feels). Ask them if this is correct. and ask them to share their feelings with you. Listen without interrupting or correcting them in any way. Apologize if he feels this way and tell him that you are in pain too and that you will do everything in your power to end that pain. Then outline your plan. (This will vary depending on your particular situation. Remember when you put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and thought about what you wanted? Consider this when formulating your plan.)
If your spouse is not receptive, or wants to argue or fight back, defuse the situation. You don’t want to allow more negative emotions to enter the situation. Your goal is to start introducing positive feelings. Understand that this may take a while.
What to do after asking your spouse to listen to you: Your spouse may not be receptive at first and you should not push or lose your patience. Forcing his hand or begging for a definitive answer will probably weaken his position.
The best thing you can do is, at every opportunity, present yourself as a patient, loving, understanding partner who fully understands that your spouse is worth waiting for.
On an extremely regular basis, you want to introduce your husband or wife to the best version of yourself: the person you probably first fell in love with. Whether you believe it or not, you probably have an advantage here. Your spouse has fallen in love with you and married you once, so you know what it takes to win their love and devotion. You just have to achieve this again, despite your current situation.
Later, if necessary, educate yourself on what it takes to make a marriage strong and lasting. You don’t want to repeat the same mistakes, and once your marriage is back on track and strong enough to handle it, you’ll need to address any recurring or major issues that may continue to crop up and weaken your marriage.