Hey, we all wake up some days “dealing with the funk” … whether it’s self imposed funk or accidental funk, we get the funk, and that funk feels … feels ….. kind of … funky. ..
Then, what are we going to do?”
The funk is the funk …
Funk means heart attack. Yes, it is true, heart attack. It is the real heart, the heart of love or the spiritual heart.
So when we have the funk it’s a heart attack and if we ignore it, or try to get out of that funk without taking a break, it will escalate it into real trouble.
Instead of coming out of evil, we have to give in to it.
The funk doesn’t last. Funk can last a day, sometimes a week. In that week we have to mend the broken heart, so we have to change some things.
Let’s take a look … at what we have to do when we surrender to funk …
1. Check for a Physical Funk Heart Attack.
Now, in Chinese medicine all organs end up leading to the heart. So even if your anus hurts, that has something to do with your heart. So when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now that we know that we are having a heart attack on the physical side, we need to trace it back to the source.
That’s not ketchup, it’s the root source, and it could be kidney, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (if you’re female only), and more. So the heart attack causes the funk, but the attack comes from remote places.
I once had a heart attack that bought funk for six months. I did more yoga and went to the doctors and they took X-rays of my testicles until it glowed in the dark, but they still did more tests. They once put electrodes on my fingers and shocked through my body and asked, “Does that hurt?” They should have worked at Guantanamo Bay.
Despite all those tests and the new Lamborghini the specialist got from all my bills, the funk didn’t go away. But one day, I bent down to pick up a coin and shzzaaaam. It gave me a pain in my body like I was giving birth to the incredible Hulk … and I have no vagina … so they took me to the hospital. and there was a kidney stone the size of an engagement ring in the earlobe of a Maasai warrior. He had been fucking my kidney for six months and now he decided to go out into the world.
Putting that stone up my urethra was like trying to suck a contestant on The Biggest Loser through a straw in a milkshake … or worse, trying to drink a McDonalds Thick Shake through a straw …
After a week with some pills that made the world look great, even my ex, then Sonic blew that meteor-sized rock into little pieces that asked me to scoop them up in a colander every time I urinated for the next few two weeks. . Well it wasn’t hard to know when to reach for the strainer, in fact my neighbors could have done it from the screaming and screaming that I went through as chunks of coral went down Freddie and out of my body …
Suffice to say, a few months later, there was no funk.
Funk is a heart attack and you know that more than one day a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source … If you’re a guy over 50, check your cholesterol, send a sub to check your heart isn’t blocked, then ask a good doctor to send you a finger where fingers aren’t usually blocked fit to check your prostate … so if they can’t find something, look elsewhere, blood tests, etc.
My kidney stone could have been detected, but I regressed too fast.
Once you’ve done a full-body and full-body MRI … go to step 2.
Step 2. Check for Love Funk Heart Attack
Funk is also depression. Depression is a bad word because it is a bit “stereotypical” … “hey, you have depression” is similar to “you have the plague – stay away, wear a mask”.
So let’s call the depression “Love Funk”
For women, this funk is not common. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially those who hate men) … and there is a lot … but that’s another topic.
For guys, “Love Funk” can come months and months after a love funk moment. Like a breakup or bad news like “hey, did you know your wife has been fucking your neighbor?” … Many men are out of touch with their feelings, so even though they experience the shock of the Love Funk incident, there is a delayed reaction like an aftershock that can take months or years to appear.
I remember parting ways with my partner before he enlightened me … (just kidding) … anyway, it was a while ago. I got hurt but didn’t even know it. I went on like nothing happened and then I got the Funk … Love Funk … about 2 years later.
I went to the doctor and described my symptoms and he suggested that I needed psychological counseling. (which is still true) but other than that, I had Love Funk about a past relationship even though I was happy in the new one. It seems I hadn’t been that honest with myself and, as my dad used to say, “I got tough and be strong.” So here it was, with Love Funk.
I didn’t take the pills, I took some herbs … St John’s Wart … Which is the worst brand for an antidepressant I have ever heard of. Who is San Juan and why would his warts be better than mine … Anyway, I took those things and then went to work on my attachments, hurts, guilt (there were many) and anger at the whole old relationship. Shit, that’s a waste of time, but he had the Funk and there was no way he was going to live in the Love Funk world for long.
Step 3. Check for a Spiritual Funk Heart Attack
Spiritual Funk has pinned me to the wall more times than I care to admit.
Spiritual funk means losing hope of some dream I had about the future.
When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL soccer star, I trained every morning, every night, I slept with a footballer next to me, I had pictures on the walls and I loved to play soccer. Then in one game I jumped to reach for the stars and grab a mark and landed on my bent ankle. He tore the ligaments of the bone. Back in those days they plastered everything, even the snake bite, so everything I ended up with was an ankle attached to a ligament that couldn’t tolerate rougher terrain than a bowling alley. I sprained that ankle more than 100 times over the next several years, even in Nepal while hiking in the Himalayas. It took me five years of yoga to be reliable again. Suffice it to say that my football career was over.
I got the Spiritual Funks and went to the doctor … he said, “You have depression” but I was a hero, laughing, funny guy. No depression for me. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sports hero fell apart, I did too. I got the Spiritual Funk.
Years later, after my marriage exploded, and my three children set sail around the world to, as my ex-wife put it, “get as far away from you as possible.” I got the Spiritual Funks again … This time I was so scared that I went to the top of a cliff to jump … I didn’t want any more funk … I didn’t jump – obviously.
Many, many, many, many … people I know have Spiritual Funk … You can tell a person with Spiritual Funk because they feel older, lack shine in their eyes, and are obsessed with what other people think.
Spiritual Funk is bad funk … and to deal with it, we used four substitutes:
Food, alcoholic beverages and drugs … We can escape the funk if we pour food on it, pour liquor on it, or turn our brains away. So obesity, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon disorders and more, can be directly related to Spiritual Funk … Lost dreams, lost hopes and attachment to the past .
Greed … The poorest man I have ever met was the richest. A billionaire who lived in fear of losing him. Greed is not measured in asset wealth or frugal spending, it is measured in competitiveness, tension, stress, and fear.
Sexuality … When all else fails, bonk. That is the mass consciousness that has saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Many – many – most of the sex on the planet happens because there is nothing better to do … and luckily for us it is because otherwise we would run out of people to buy iMacs. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, resorts and more work at Spiritual Funk for a major core business. When the lights go out at the end of the tunnel, people light a match, it’s called sexuality. A phosphor light in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel invisible anyway … It’s a great metaphor …
Spirituality … My friend is married to a boy. I’m sorry for him. Meditate 4 hours a day and think that something great happens as a result. But in reality, the spark is gone and his hiding place is being legitimized, cross-legged on the ground and eyes closed, in no-MANS-Land …
My friend is at Spiritual Funk and has been there for 20 years. In the last five he has also gained weight, now spirituality is not blocking the world enough, he is eating … OMG he eats enough to feed a third world country … And then he has a colon … as part of his spiritual cleansing … Recently, his two sons have become teenagers, and are under clinical supervision due to depression … remember my Jung quote … “nothing affects the child more than the unlived life of the dad? “
conclusion
Ok, so there are three sources of FUNK … all of which affect the heart.
There is Physical Funk that comes from the body but ultimately attacks the heart. This is the first place to look if we have The Funk because your body is nature’s Bible … it’s telling you things and it’s worth listening to.
There’s Love Funk … Emotional stuff that has gone underground and is consuming your energy … like pent-up anger turns depressing. Guilt, shame, guilt, the victim, anger, jealousy, are the triggers of Love Funk.
There is spiritual funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this Funk. It’s dark, desperate, and causes people to act, breathe, eat, sleep, relax, and pray in weird, fanatical ways. You can’t fight the Spiritual Funk … if you have it, because some dream was shattered, then it’s time for you to reinvent yourself. Banging your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself can have an impact, but this is not what nature intended, and it is certainly not a path to a FUNK FREE LIFE.
Chris walker