Ttransactional HASanalysis (HIS) was developed in the 1950s by Dr. Eric Berne. Berne developed this innovative approach to human psychology while working with a patient who was a lawyer. The two of them were discussing something the lawyer had done, but which he regretted doing. Berne asked, “Well, why did you do it?” The lawyer explained that although a part of him had not wanted to do what he had done, “…the child inside of me made me do it anyway”.

Bern was intrigued. From this conversation he developed the psychological model we now know as Transactional Analysis, or HIS To abreviate. In this model, Bern theorizes that people have three ego states: the relativetea Little boyand the adult. Let’s take a closer look at each of these egos and see how we can use AT to help sales.


What Bern labeled as the relative ego state, acts like an audio recorder. It starts etching messages from authority figures into people’s minds at birth and then, when they’re around six years old, it shuts off. This ego state includes two halves: the caring father and the critical parent. Tea caring fatherFor example, it teaches things like, “You can be anything you want to be”, “You are special” and “You will always get credit for trying”. This is the part of the personality that puts bandages on children’s knees after they fall and feeds them chicken soup when they are sick. So you have the critical parent. That’s the part of the personality that teaches things like, “Look both ways before crossing the street”, “Don’t talk to strangers”, “Finish all the food on your plate”, Y “Do not be late”.

While the critical parent it could be looking out for a person’s best interests, it’s worrying, and it can keep the person from getting out of their comfort zone. A lot of critical parent The messages were useful in young people, but can work against adults, especially those who are in sales. For example: “Do not talk to strangers”. This makes many of us very reluctant to cold call prospects we don’t know.


Below is the Little boy ego state, which is also a tape recorder that turns on at birth and turns off around age six. Herein lies all the feelings that ever festered about archaic relative recordings If you have dealt with adolescents, you have probably met the rebellious child State, who takes what the critical parent he says and flips it back. For example, if you were to tell a teenager, “Be home at 10 pm” the rebellious child could force the teenager to come home at 10:05, just because you said 10:00.

Fortunately, the rebellious child you are not alone. Other aspects of Little boy include the NaturalChild, the fun-loving part of the personality that likes cars, jewelry, vacations, and funny stories. then you have the AdaptiveChildwhat years to please the relative recordings, and is always looking for approval. Finally, you have the little teacher. This is the part of the personality that drives people to educate and enlighten others. This ego state shows up on a sales call when the salesperson starts listing features and benefits.

In essence, the Little boy is that little six year old in everyone who is constantly, or at least on a regular basis, trying to “be okay”.

You can see this desire expressed in many different ways. maybe you NaturalChild tells a funny story on a sales call, or maybe your AdaptiveChild it comes out when you try to please the prospect by giving a quote without decision commitment. Believe it or not, you can even express your need to feel good through your rebellious child. I once heard about a salesperson who was late for a sales call. When the prospect asked, “How did you get here?”the salesman, who had been fighting traffic, sweating all the time, simply blurted out, “I drove.” How is he supposed to build a bond? That’s a good way to get a free removal! In other words, the salesperson got his frustration off his chest, but then lost the sale and earned no commission. He said what he wanted, but blew the sale by doing it. As you read more, you’ll see why it’s important to leave your Little boy ego in the car when you go on a sales call.


Tea adult the ego state should be the main navigator through a sales call. adult The ego helps salespeople bond and build rapport throughout the entire sales process. Tea adult recorder is different from the other two egos. It flares up when a person is about 11 months old and stays that way for the rest of their life. It is the logical part of the personality; for example, it’s where all that useful product knowledge is stored. There are two aspects to the adult: tea updated father and the upgraded child.

Tea updated father allows people to alter the warnings they heard in childhood from the critical parentwarnings like, “Do not talk to strangers”. As we have seen, this particular recording appears in adulthood as a reluctance to call. Tea Little boy part of the personality AdaptiveChild specifically, it makes salespeople very uncomfortable with cold calling. Why? Because they were taught through critical parent They shouldn’t talk to strangers. Every time he makes a cold call, he is talking to a stranger and thus contradicts the critical parent. This is what makes the AdaptiveChild very uncomfortable. Via updated father, you can update those belief systems and change the way you think about things. Tea updated father is stored in the adult state of the self It can be used to update the archaic beliefs of the parents. Similarly, the upgraded child allows you to update the way you feel about things throughout life, starting at 11 months of age.


when you apply HIS For sale, 70% of your sales must come from the caring father. The remaining 30% must come from the adult. Zero percent must come from critical parent or the Little boy. Think of it this way: If it ever makes sense for you to tell a prospect a funny story (and maybe it does), the adult (the logical part of your personality) needs to be in charge. Tea adult can navigate so that if it ever makes sense to turn the Little boy in, so to speak, the adult you can decide when and where that happens. This is extremely important. The logical, well-informed adult you need to make all the decisions for yourself and direct all other aspects of your personality, so that you don’t offend or upset a prospect.

The main thing to keep in mind throughout the sales cycle is “nurture, nurture, nurture,” especially on the phone. However, in your communications with prospects and customers, you also want to use some adult where appropriate. You must never, ever come from critical parentand doubly, the Little boy state of the self

As you become more successful in uncovering the pain, you can have meetings where prospects not only share their pain, but also take responsibility for it, and then proceed to talk verbally. “beat themselves” for whatever caused the pain to be created. In those cases, it is important to use your caring father skills to pick up prospects and get them back on their feet.

For example, you could say:

I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Your role is to steer the ship. and no one can be an expert in all things. You have made the right decision to call an expert to meet with me. So let’s see how we can fix the room by delegating the work to the engine room, so to speak, to someone who does that kind of work all the time. I have to say that you are in better shape now than many potential clients when I first meet them. In fact, you’ve done a good job as captain.and it’s as if things have reached a point in the engine room where the situation is sapping too much of his valuable time as a leader. So, he made the right move by striving to see how the problem can be addressed.”

Can you see the statements? caring father in the example? Can you see the statements of the adult in the example? The portions that are mostly caring father statements are on italic; the portions that are mostly adult Statements are underlined. The portion that is more or less equal in both is both italicized and underlined.

The psychological models we have discussed in recent blogs, such as NLP, DISC, and TA, are staples in Sandler’s sales process and will be instrumental in helping you build bonds and rapport. To ease the pain, he must get his prospects to revive him. You can only do that if you have bonded with the person. The three models I’ve shared with you, DISC, NLP, and TA, will help you do this, so you can begin to uncover the underlying elements of your prospects’ pain.

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