The English language uses a single word to express the full spectrum of the meaning of love: from “I love you” to a passionate declaration to an informal letter signature like “lots of love.”
The Greeks defined love in more sophisticated terms such as Eros (Intimacy and Passion), Ludus (Joy), Philia (Companionship), Pragma (Enduring Love), Agape (Love for all) and Philautia (Love of oneself).
The first type of love was Eros, named after the Greek god of fertility. It represents the idea of intimacy, passion and desire. The Greeks didn’t always think of it as something positive, it was perceived as a form of madness caused by Cupid’s arrows. It is about letting yourself be carried away by visceral and carnal pleasures that may seem terrifying to some; while letting go may be what many people are looking for as they drink and dance the night away.
– How loose are you?
– Do you feel overwhelmed by sensations?
– Do you forget the world in his arms? Are you in a state of flow?
– Do you feel a difference in your vitality when you are with your partner/spouse?
The second variety of love is Philia or friendship. It is a dispassionate virtuous love (…) Furthermore, Philos denotes a general type of love, used for love between family members, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers. -Wikipedia.
Another terminology used is Storge for parental love.
For Plato, the best kind of friendship is that between lovers. It is Eros who transforms into Philia, and in turn feeds Eros to nurture and grow the relationship from one of desire to one of greater understanding. True friends share their experiences and teach each other to live a fuller life.
How do you classify your friends (social media friends, drinking buddies, loyal friends, fun friends, mentor friends,…)
How much Philia do you have in your life?
Do you consider your partner/spouse/relationship as your friend? What kind of friend? Would you like it different?
The third variety of love is Ludus, playful love, which refers to affection between children or young lovers.
Ludus, which means “play” in Latin, is used by those who see love as the desire to have fun with each other, to engage in indoor and outdoor activities, to joke around, indulge each other, and play harmless pranks on each other. The acquisition of love and attention itself can be part of the game.
Lovers of the playful want to have as much fun as possible.- Wikipedia
We’ve all tried it in the early stages of relationships while flirting and joking around. And we still do it when we sit down to laugh with friends or when we go out dancing. It’s when we let the game run as if getting carried away is the rule to get by.
are you playful Do you like to be playful? No? What would that change?
Can they be like children together? What does it take for you to be like a child?
Do you still laugh at other people’s jokes? Do you use word games?
Do you laugh at your clumsiness? Are you able to laugh at yourself when you are together?
Are you floating in a sea of normality? If so, what would restore vitality? What would make you smile? What would make you smile? Do you know what makes him smile?
Do you laugh without restraint?
Do you enjoy the same activities? Are you proposing new ones?
The fourth love is Pragma. It is love when it matures and grows. One in which a deep understanding developed between long-married couples or previously arranged marriages. It focuses on long-term interest and personal qualities rather than intimacy. Pragma is more about giving love than staying in love like when the couple first fell in love.
It is the passion of Eros, put on the back burner to make compromises to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance.
Do you have the security you seek in a relationship?
Do you share common goals?
Do you have predictability and patterns in your relationship?
How satisfied are you with the qualities of your partner?
And last but not least, Philautia, or self-love, has two types: narcissism and self-esteem.
Narcissism has come to mean selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a yearning for admiration, as characteristics of a personality type. (dictionary.com) It can be accompanied by haughtiness, arrogance, and contempt for others.
It is necessary to discern between Self-esteem and Self-confidence. People with self-esteem can fearlessly invest in projects and people. Failure, rejection, pain, disappointment do not hinder or diminish them. Because of their flexibility, they are open to growth, to relationships, and quick to joy. There is no time to think about mishaps.
Aristotle said: “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” or as it is known in today’s jargon “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.
What feelings are you projecting? How do people feel when they are around you?
How much love/hate do you have for yourself? What would increase love?
How is your internal dialogue serving you?
Are you reflecting on your mistakes or looking for improvements based on feedback?
The ancient Greeks diversified their love. So where does your preference go on the wheel of love, if you have any? Are you fulfilling it? What would it take to accomplish it? Does your partner/husband feel the same? How would you keep the spark alive?
Interested in more? stay tuned