Every year around this time, thousands (perhaps millions) of women start worrying about bikini season. Some of us do something about it, like dieting and exercising, trying to make our bodies look more like the women in the magazines.
Since we were teenagers, we believed that a girl in a bikini catches the boys. The better we look in a bikini, the belief goes, the better our chances of capturing a man’s attention. In a superficial way, this is correct. The female form, scantily clad or not, is sure to attract male attention.
However, this is where the power of the bikini stops. While she can attract male attention, she fails to attract male affection. We have falsely expected attention to lead to affection. This is because we have seriously misunderstood the effects of attraction.
Many of the things I have learned about men in the last fourteen years have surprised me. Some have rocked my world. None have excited and angered me more than what I’ve learned about the real effects of attraction on men and women.
Good and bad news about the attraction
It seems that there are two types of attraction that affect men. The first type is what we call Sexual Attraction. What makes a man sexually attracted are the things that have been sold to us for years: shiny hair, a well-shaped body, sexual energy and sensuality.
This type of attraction makes a man want to have sex with a particular woman. And that is. That is all. This is the bad news about sexual attraction. I was angry to discover this after so many preventable mishaps with men.
Sexual attraction just doesn’t produce the results we seek in our lives. It doesn’t make a man pursue a woman romantically. Doesn’t make a man call back. It does not make a man consider a woman as a potential mate or make him fall in love with her. It just makes him want to have sex with her.
A woman who is very sexually attractive will get a lot of male attention, but no one seems to question whether it is good attention. While I envied sexy high school cheerleaders, surrounded by guys at lunch, I never wondered if all that attention was somehow fulfilling or enriching their lives. I just wanted it. And I was sure that the attention I sought would lead me to the affection I craved. If you’ve tried this, I don’t need to tell you how it turned out.
The second type of attraction we call “Enchanted and Enchanted”, which means to attract by very pleasant qualities and evoke great admiration. This type of attraction makes a man want to spend time with a woman, take care of her, make her happy, protect her, and contribute to her life.
This is the good news about the attraction! And there’s more good news: here’s a list of the things hundreds of men across the country have told us make a woman Charming and Charming:
ยท Self-confidence
being herself
To be passionate
interest in other people
Willingness to need a man, but not being “needy”
as men
Understand that men are not like women
Appreciate the unique qualities of men.
Thinking for herself
As you can see, what makes a woman charming and charming is just as good for women as it is for men. This is what excited me most about the effects of attraction. The more you like yourself, the more men like you. The more you can be yourself, the more chances you have for men to know and love you.
The more you enjoy your life, the more men enjoy your company. The more you appreciate men, the more they appreciate you. The more you think for yourself, the more interested men are in your thoughts.
I offer this information in hopes of avoiding unnecessary heartache and suffering. By paying attention to the effects of attraction on men and women, you can approach relationships more intelligently and authentically.
You can focus on being the person you want to be, rather than the size you think you should be. Best of all, trips to the mall to buy that new bathing suit are much less traumatic.